Timeless Movie Characters: Requiem for a Dream: The Ass-to-Ass Guy

"Requiem for a Dream" teaches us that doing heroin leads to jail time, amputation, and being a whore. What it also teaches us is that if you apply yourself and get rich, you can get invited to these classy parties where heroin-addicted whores will do all sorts of crazy shit on a coffee table right in front of you. And they take requests too. ...

So I think what "Requiem" is ultimately telling us is that if you don't do drugs and get a good-paying job you can get poor drug-addicted girls to fuck on your coffee table in front of twenty of your friends. That's the American dream right there.

- i like how every single presedential state of the union speech ever includes a reference to a letter the president got from some 12 yr old. how he just loved the letter he received from little Susie Peterson from Des Moines, Iowa asking what she could do for America. first off, there is no Susie Peterson. the speechwriter makes up the same little kid every single time cause it's a human interest angle that helps those Oprah-watching citizens "find their spirit". and even if she were real, its not like the president is actually opening and reading her letter. if he is, he should be impeached just for wasting time opening letters from retarded schoolchildren. if its a member of his staff reading the letter, is he running into the oval office going "mr president! you gotta see this! this little girl has faith in democracy!"? of course not. so who's actually reading these letters? probably some grunt at the Secret Service scanning it to see if it says anything about killing the president.

- Whitney Houston is a bad influence on Bobby Brown.

- my new favourite euphemisms for the vagina: cooter and meat drapes. thanks Tina Fey!

- the less i talk to friends, the less vulgar i get. so when we do finally get the chance to talk, the vulgarity comes out in a concentrated form and, oh boy, i let the expletives fly! otherwise it would get spread out during the regular course of conversations and all would be normal. thats what they get for being busy.

- my favourite comment from this slashdot thread:

I never fail to be amazed at how often companies try to copy Apple's design only to produce a product that looks similar but is noticably uglier.

It's like on Charles in Charge where one of the sisters was noticeably hotter than the other one, and yet in one episode the ugly sister won a beauty contest just to show that there's more to a person than looks but that didn't change the fact that everybody still would rather jump the hotter sister.

From the Family Guy episode From Method to Madness:

Olivia: You are the weakest link, Goodbye.
Stewie: (laughs) Oh, gosh, that's funny. That's really funny. Do you write your own material? Do you, because that is so fresh. "You are the weakest link, Goodbye." I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm, you're the first. I've never heard anyone reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show, right isn't it? "You are the weakest link, goodbye". And yet, you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God, what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. Mmm, that's so fresh too. Any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me as long as we're hitting this phenomena at the height of their popularity? Because, I'm here. God, you're so funny.

2003 blog of the year? whatevs.org, obvs. it's a pop culture blog by Detroiter Uncle Grambo. If you've seen the site, you know that it pretty much has it's own lexicon or "peculiar slang". I've told lots of friends about it, and they agree, it's great, but then they inevitably ask me what "obvs" stands for, or what a "durst" is. others have had the same problems too. So, even though there's no buzz in explaining things, the following should get you quickly acclimatized, privatized, and accustomized:

The Unofficial whatevs.org Quick Reference Dictionary

Updated Jan 15: corrections and new entries!

Disclaimer: Accuracy and completeness of information are not guaranteed. Mostly it's just me guessing or coming to my own conclusion after having read the site for months.

best - best, obvs. usually used as the sentence "best!" or "so best!"
bovs - beyond obvious. thanks to brother, The Gorilla, and creator Seantizz
buzz - something has "buzz" if it's being talked about or is cool.
DB - douchebag. thanks to uncle grambo
durst - worst, as in Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit. worse than "no buzz", worse than worst. or wurst. eg. "Brit Brit's perf of "Me Against The Music" was side splittingly durst"
eff - fuck. obvs.
evs - ever. obvs.
FOW - Friends of Whatevs

This one took me a while to figure out, and even then, it's just a guess and I could be wrong. When you see "FOW Nation" enough times, you can infer that its what Uncle Grambo calls his crew of friends. One day it just came to me that it must stand for "Friends of Whatevs". I felt so smart that I did a victory lap with scissors. Some of the names in the FOW Nation you'll find mentioned often:

• The Grizz
• The Gorilla
• Mandypants*
• Peabs
• JPMcKrengels

For a while I thought The Grizz and The Gorilla were the same person. Aren't grizzlies and gorillas both bears? No. They're not. I think one of them may be Uncle Grambo's brother too. And I think The Grizz writes for Detroit News. I also thought JPMcKrengels was a name of one of the muppets from FraggleRock.

no buzz - opposite of buzz. e.g. "Luis Guzman has no buzz w/out Soderbergh"
obvs - obviously, obvs.
p.h.c.f.y.s.b. - piping hot content for your sexy bod
shmears - seriously. shmears is short for shmeariously, which is short for seriously, like 'breakfast shmreakfast' mallrats stizz. thanks to damore and Peabs
schmobvs - obvs schmobvs, so it means obvs.
stizz - style. eg. "Uma Thurman? amazing face. great pins. tight butt. strangely appealing feet ('kill bill' stizz)"
tigs - tight. thanks to thekutch.
whatevs - whatever, obvs.
WOM - word of mouth
uggs - ugly

If I've missed any, or if you have any corrections, let me know.

a coworker was telling me a story about how he saw me on the street just outside my work and yelled out "hey pinderella! wait up" and some guy, who apparently looks exactly like me, turned around and glared at him. my first thought when i hear that i may have a doppelganger: "that poor bastard". second thought: "hmm, maybe i have siamese twin". i believe they prefer to be called "conjoined twins", but hillbillies prefer to be called "sons of the soil", and that ain't gonna happen.

so a few weeks later, i'm walking into work and i think i see the guy. he's the same build and height and does kinda look like me. but even though he's the one who's got the goatee and smokes, i'd like to think that i'm the one who's pure evil.

also, you bet your balls i'm back.