the worst thing about christmas eve is when they replace Conan with all those carol singers and that Pope guy.

did you see the news today? they captured Santa! then the medic picked the lice from his hair and ate it.

i think they'll hold Saddam in a white room and have George Bush walk in and go "Checkmate", slap him across the face, then walk out.

it's my birthday today. i'm 26. i made a mix:

these songs all have something to do with a birthday.

1. Unhappy Birthday - The Smiths
   from Strangeways, Here We Come
2. Come Undone - Duran Duran
   from The Wedding Album
3. Not A Dull Moment - Bad Astronaut
   from Houston: We Have A Drinking Problem
4. Arctic Snow - Burning Brides
   from Fall of the Plastic Empire
5. Too Much, Too Late - Farside
   from The Monroe Doctrine
6. ...But Home is Nowhere - AFI
   from Sing The Sorrow
7. Pig Latin - The Dillinger Escape Plan ft. Mike Patton
   from Irony is a Dead Scene
8. Across The Sea - Weezer
   from Pinkerton
9. Have A Day / Celebratory - The Polyphonic Spree
   from The Beginning Stages Of...

these are other songs i like to listen to on my birthday.

1. Lithium - Nirvana
   from Nevermind
2. Everlong - Foo Fighters
   from The Colour And The Shape
3. Ashes to Ashes - Faith No More
   from Album of the Year
4. The Staggering Genius - Superdrag
   from Last Call For Vitriol
5. The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret - Queens of the Stone Age
   from Rated R
6. Stand Inside Your Love - Smashing Pumpkins
   from Machina/The Machines of God
7. Love Me - The Queers
   from A Day Late and a Dollar Short
8. Keep Fishin' - Weezer
   from Maladroit
9. Gone - The Bouncing Souls
   from How I Spent My Summer Vacation

some one offs:

- end to end, this week's SNL with Al Sharpton was one of the worst ever. Pink is just horrible...like Alicia Keys horrible. even bringing back Tracy Morgan didn't help. note to Tracy and Chris (Gelman) Kattan: you can't go home again.

- Mona Lisa Smile stars a bunch of hot actresses. and also Julia Roberts.

- birthdays mostly suck.

- Ted Leo, the hardest working man in rock, is coming back to Vancouver on January 25, 2004. he was here twice last year, once with the Pharmacists, and once on his own. i got the setlists for both shows. i'm still compiling my best of 2003 list, but i don't think anything will beat Hearts of Oak.

i think i could write a kickass christian rock song. they're all pretty much the same, so just follow the formula. it'll be about transcendescence and ascention and all that shit. the chorus will have something to do with being pure of heart and finding the answers in yourself. and by "yourself" i really mean Jesus. but you know, you can't out right say Jesus or God or Lord if you want to make it big. i'm not an amateur, i know the formula. the video will have lots of well lit shots of me on a hill (moses) or in a boat (noah), looking up with my arms in the air. and since its christian rock, i can say without hyperbole that i'll be bigger than U2 and Jesus combined.

i thought of this one day while watching internet porn.

i just ordered myself the Pimp Watch:

soon I'll combine the classic sensibilities of a 1950's street ninja with the dynamic flare of a 1970's street pimp.

last weekend i was at the theater watching matrix revolutions. it was one of those stadium seating theaters where the chairs rock back and forth. the seat in front of me was empty, so i had my foot up on it and was rocking it while watching the movie. about halfway through the show, my friend leans over and tells me "hey, there's a little kid sitting in that seat." i didn't know! i thought it was empty. i couldn't see his head. poor kid.

then this weekend, we went shopping. we were at a shoe store on robson and i'm sitting down on the benches where you sit to try on shoes. my friend is standing, leaning down to fasten the velcro straps on these really ugly red shoes that he's trying on. so i say to him "what the hell are you going skiing or something?" cause they look like ski boots. he looks up and its not him. it's some other guy who was also wearing jeans and a black jacket. i started laughing "sorry, thought you were someone else" and got the hell out of there. i don't think he bought the shoes.