Wednesday, February 06, 2002

I usually don't rant about what's pissing me off because the effort involved usually out weighs the complaint and so I just don't care. But not today.


Badly designed forks

The worst are the ones where the back of the handle is curved, so that when you hold it, the curvy part digs down into your middle finger. I'd like to take that fork and jab it into the forhead of the guy who designed it! I can't stand a fork that's uncomfortable to hold. An ideal fork has some weight to it where the handle is smooth and the prongs are nice and long.
Furthermore, salad forks should never be used. Ever. Not even for salads. Spork? Shirley you jest. And yes, I did just call you Shirley.


Sports metaphors

Please, stop using phrases like "we gave him the ball and he ran with it", or its red-headed stepchild "he dropped the ball". Hey coach, football sucks, so shutup.


table manners

When you get up from a table, push your chair back in! It's not difficult.


Jeopardy contestants

If you're on Jeopardy, and you pick "Biology* for $1000" and it ends up being the Daily Double, for the love of all that's good and right, bet more than what the question was worth if it wasn't a Daily Double.


me: "Bet it all"

contestant: "I'll bet $500 Alex"

me: "You stupid moron the question alone was worth $1000!"


At this point I stop myself from throwing the remote at the TV.


* sidenote: if Biology is ever a category, i guarantee that "the liver" will be an answer for one of them.


"check out this spam"

People who find it necessary to forward "cool spam" they received, I hate you with all of my little black heart. Those who talk about it on their website are just as guilty. I don't care if it's witty, innovative, or if it jumped out of the screen and gratified you sexually, i don't want to see it. It's spam!


Gwyneth Paltrow

Yesterday was a fine day untill you showed up! Bitch. And to think I defended you when almost every girl I know put you down. Never again!


Packaging

It took me 7 minutes to open the Ghost World DVD I bought yesterday. 7 minutes to remove a flimsy piece of plastic and "security device enclosed" stickers. At least give me a "pull here" strip or something!

comments:

remember that time you were whiney and complained about stuff you'd never do anything about to change/fix? yeah, i remember that time...

posted by paul

"red-headed stepchild"?!?!?

What pisses me off is the way black-haired children of natural parents try to oppress me.

posted by J-BIG2K02

ha! what's funny is i was actually thinking about you Mr. JBIG when I wrote that.

posted by pinder

i work at canadian tire and as much as i have fun bothering the mechanics and leaving pornographic styled graffiti on the loading bay walls i loathe most customers.
we have metal counters at the register -- shiny, slick, metal counters. today, i had a customer buy a plunger for his clogged cess-bucket. instead of putting the damn thing down, like any human with half a brain would, he decides to squish it down onto the counter. we spent the next 5-10 minutes trying to get this giant rubber suction cup off the counter.
It seemed like some sort of horrible deleted scene from clerks. the other customers were livid with impatience.
thank you pinder, in some odd gratifying way, you have relieved my day through this.

posted by js

Not to be all Alex Tribec on you (because I hate that guy), but actually the answer to the Biology catagory would be "WHAT IS the liver."

Remember... on Jeopardy, you must always phrase your answer in the form of a question.

posted by geoffrey

yknow what pisses me off? That cyber-sex is dead. Where's a girl supposed to go to get her jollies these days?

Oh yeah and porn pisses me off. Same shit different movie. None of these girls are ever wet. It's like so ho-hum. now I could get into some strap on ass reaming porn movies.

posted by NASTY^

Sean: "I'll take 'the rapist' for $300"

Alex: "Uhhh, that's 'therapist'"

posted by jb

Sean " I'll tale swords for $400"

Alex "It's s words "

posted by T®I×

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