allow me to state the obvious: good god is world cup soccer ever boring. why does every game end in a tie? what happened to shootouts? you know how people usually say there's lots of running involved with soccer? well that's a lie. one guy runs around and chases the ball, everyone else just stands around.
the only way it's fun for me is if i put it on mute and do my own announcing:
pre-game:
"you'll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Ariaga! Ariaga II! Bariaga! Aruglia! and Pizzoza!"
"this match will determine once and for all which nation is the greatest on earth: Mexico or Portugal!"
during:
"halfback passes to center, back to wing, back to center, center holds it! holds it! HOLDS IT!!"
post-game:
"what began as a traditional soccer riot has escalated into a city-wide orgy
of destruction."
and even that's only fun for about 5 minutes, or until i discover i'm the only one laughing at the jokes.
i just hope italy doesn't win. having to put up with a bunch of people (who don't know the difference between a bowling ball and a soccer ball) drive around, waving a flag, honking, like they own the streets is annoying. i can unsterstand celebrating if you win the whole thing, but what are you fuckers doing out there celebrating right now? italy barely tied mexico. someone shoot these people.