i was at the video store checkout the other day where the clerk guy was one of those enthusiastic "would you like to supersize that?" types. you can tell he took what the assistant manager said in the meetings before they open the store very seriously. "i'm gonna be the best damn video store clerk i can be goddamit!"

so he asks me if i want to get a bag of microwavable popcorn with my rental. i say no. he asks me if i want to buy the holiday video card for $21 cause it's such a good fucking deal and i'd be an idiot not to. i say no. he looks a little sullen. sullen! i can understand if you work on commission and get $20 if you sell me the extended warranty, but you work at a video store! where's the surlyness?!

so i pay and as he hands me my movie he says "enjoy the movie! and just to let you know, The Stepford Wives comes out on Tuesday".

there's a momentary pause in my brain where the left side says to the right side "it's dark in here"

i reply, "why would i want to watch a Bette Midler movie?"