have you seen that verizon commerical where that guy tests the network range by walking 2 steps and saying "can you hear me now? good" into a cellphone? maybe it's just because i'm a programmer, but that has to be the dumbest algorithm i've ever seen. it's completely ineffecient. assuming this test can only be done by two actual people and a cellphone, how can this algorithm be improved? let's analyze the current alogorithm first:

employee #1: can you hear me now?
employee #2: yes*
employee #1: good

* employee #2 might also be a moron and say something like "yes i can hear you", but we don't know so i'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he says "yes".

# of syllables used: 7

what a waste of breath. the "good" acknowledgment is completely useless. just the fact that you heard the other person should be the acknowledgement itself.

a proposed algorithm:

employee #1: ping
employee #2: pong

# of syllables used: 2

i'm all about the effeciency. in fact, that's what people say about me when i'm not around.

***

james woods has always been one of my favourite actors. he's been the best celebrity guest star on the simpsons ever. but now he has stooped to doing those fucking annoying blockbuster commercials with the rabbit and gerbil. i hate those commercials. i'm begging richard gere to walk into that petshop and buy that gerbil so he can shove it up his ass, just get it off the tv! those elvis-impersonating elf ads from the past holiday season were just as bad. blockbuster desperately needs a new ad agency. james woods needs a new agent.

***

subway's "eat fresh" ad campaign sucks too. i'm not talking about the jared ads. i like jared. i'm thinking of the other ones with that other guy. you know, the guy with the haircut. since when do fashion models eat at subway? i haven't seen one. in another ad, he goes to a fried chicken place where they show chicken sitting under a heat lamp. he looks into the camera and asks, "you call that fresh? come to subway blah blah". so, when you go to subway and order a chicken sub, they pull out a little pre-packaged "cup of chicken" from a fridge and throw it into the microwave. yeah, that's real fucking fresh.

***

"by the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself. no, this is not a joke: kill yourself... i know what the marketing people are thinking now too: 'oh. he's going for that anti-marketing dollar. that's a huge market.' oh man, i am not doing that, you fucking evil scumbags."

-- bill hicks